pensitivity

it just dawned on me that i explicitly call myself "pensive" in two consecutive posts. (i'm not sure what to make of that, but let's keep the streak alive, shall we? um...) only a person as pensive as i am would notice that. (wait a second. if i were to cease being pensive, would that make me expensive? i guess i'll have to ponder that one. if only i were predisposed to pondering...)

driving lessons

i had a revelation the other day while driving to work. i do a lot of life pondering while driving. i have a 40 minute commute and i'm pensive by nature. this absolutely is the reason a lot of my lyrics have allusions to driving (see: whiteout, behind the wheel).

anyway, i ended up getting baited into one of my teach-this-guy-a-lesson moods because someone violated some personal driving etiquette rule of mine. so, of course, applying vigilante road justice, i... obnoxiously tail-gated him for a little while. i know what you're thinking - "oh no he didn't!" - oh yes i did. it always seems that anything you do on the road out of anger end up being so insignificant, silly, and/or indefensible in retrospect. anyway, here's the conclusion i came to about my life:

i would rather accidentally be nice to someone who didn't deserve it than accidentally be a dick to someone who didn't deserve it.

let's say that i'm driving on the highway in moderate traffic and a lane has to merge. so, of course, i dutifully move over as soon as i see signs indicating this. then, a vehicle behind me continues driving in the soon-to-be-defunct lane and is apparently going to cut in front of several cars in this fashion. i have a choice now on how to react. i can treat them as if they are intentionally trying to pass everyone as a result of their belief that their time is more important than the time of those that they are passing OR i can treat them as if there's a chance there's a legitimate (or at least semi-legit) reason for their actions. maybe it's some hot-shot lawyer who wins settlements for the people that slip on the floor at mcdonald's and he's not about to allow mere civilians slow him down. or maybe it's a mom with 3 screaming kids in the back who's having the 8th worst day of her life who is so stressed out that she didn't even see the road signs.

i guess i'm saying i'd rather risk letting the hot-shot think his behavior is acceptable in society than risk turning the mom's day from 8th worst to 7th.

as the old adage goes: you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar. although, i can't imagine anyone that's trying to catch flies thinking that vinegar would be a good route. and actually, why are we trying to attract flies in the first place here? what is the analogy supposed to be even? if i understand this right, i think we're comparing potential friends to annoying house pests. i'll be honest, i don't even want to be friends with annoying pests, so i'd in fact prefer to use vinegar for them. and truthfully, wouldn't the best thing for attracting flies be... like.. poop? i guess if i'm ever in a pessimistic mood and someone snarkily hits me with "you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar, you know", i'll just come back at them with "actually, ideally you would want to use a pile of poop. or maybe a dead animal." and that'll end that conversation nice and quick.

world wide web (or oh, the humanity!)

i love the internet. it's an amazing tool for access to all sorts of information. wikipedia is invaluable for quickly answering just about any question. and don't even get me started on imdb.

but i have a specific concern. the social interaction between people on the internet has, in many cases, allowed for a flagrant lack of accountability. now, there are some instances where there is a degree of accountability, say, facebook for example, where you wouldn't be able to get away with whatever you like, since you have only one account, and it's based on relationships in real life (or at least it's supposed to be). but on things like message boards, forums, comments on articles, etc, it is allowed to get quite out of hand. people can pop up, make outrageously incendiary remarks, hide behind an alias, and fade into cyberspace as they never have to answer for the social and emotional impact of their words.

i struggle with this, because my aim would be that everyone in the world uses rational and focused arguments to support their points. so every time i encounter someone who's not doing this, my first reaction is to try to respond rationally and show them that people can have debates without resorting to bush league tactics. however, i've found that normally these people go keyser sose on me once logic is brought into the debate ("and like that, he's gone"). i guess some people just enjoy the former kind of argument. incitement vs incitement. you're like a girl - no YOU'RE like a girl. my dad's stronger than your dad. once they go at someone who will no longer perpetuate their fight, it's no more fun. peace out. sigh.

i guess i'm learning that i can't change the way people are. i feel you, rodney king. and i have no answer for you.

i just wish we as a society were more conscious of their own humanity and that of others. people like to categorize other people to justify their actions. if we just thought of each other as other people, with individual life experiences and history, i think we would treat one another so differently. i think about this a lot during my 40-minute commute. on the road, you can cut someone off, flick them off, and speed away, and 99% of the time, you will never have to suffer any consequence. but just imagine trying to do this on foot, rather than in a car. now THAT would be audacious.

this is applicable in so many instances in my life. i recently read a user review of a sufjan stevens album at an online store. he included a line that went something like "if you liked this song and you have a college degree, you need to move out of your parents' house." which prompted me to think "wait, i liked that song, have a college degree, own my own home, and have a moderately successful career! i should confront him with this, that'll show him!" right. i'm sure he'd be put right into his place with that information. why is it that that critics (and wanna-be critics) seem to think that to be "good", you have to be "a dick"?

similarly, i was this *holding thumb and pointer finger a half inch apart* close to joining a michigan fan site to inform some poster that had unfairly chastised a coach/player/recruit/opponent/(it was so important that i remember it so very clearly now) of my higher way of understanding the world and that he was being unfair. seriously? what am i doing with my life?

i'm somehow reminded of the scene in good will hunting when robin williams is sitting with matt damon on the park bench, and he's explaining why he freaked out when damon made a comment about his wife. "but you presumed to know everything about me because you saw a painting of mine. you ripped my f***ing life apart." i feel like the social interactions here are so often justified with logic along the lines of "i'll bet they're the kind of person that..." and then that frees them to treat this person how they would treat THOSE people. we're willing to trivialize that person's entire life experience for the sake of, what, appearing intuitive? making a disparaging comment? seeming to have discerning tastes?

i do have to clarify by saying that the michigan fan site i referenced actually has a community of users that makes an intentional effort to discourage and disallow mindless word fights and i applaud that effort (it's mgoblog.com if you want to check it out). my hope is that the internet moves in that direction as people become fed up with the useless banter, instead of fostering the anonymity and creating an environment where that kind of garbage can thrive.

well, that post wasn't very funny. sorry. i guess i'm getting pensive in my old age. actually, i've always been pensive. i have no excuse.

"not in this economy"

it's a pretty depressing time in michigan, so to lighten the mood, i thought it would be funny to start replacing my "no" to a yes or no question, with "not in this economy". questions like: "you wanna go grab some lunch?" or "did you set your clock for daylight savings?" or "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" i'll let you know how it works out.

calvin part 2

so after writing about calvin the first time, i've been a lot more attentive to depictions of him recently. but i think it's going to be really hard to top what i saw the other day. for starters, we had double-barreled calvin action. yes, that's two calvins, peeing on two separate things. it was on the back of a pickup truck (shocking, i know) on either side of the sliding rear window. right side calvin was peeing on some sort of workers' union. left side calvin was peeing on "baby killing liberals". now, i think that if i were paid to do so and given a few days to brainstorm, i'm confident that i could come up with something more awful than that. but i don't think you could ever get me to put it into print. but here's the kicker of the whole thing (and clearly, my favorite part): calvin is giving you the finger. this is where you need to realize that he is NOT flicking off the words "baby killing liberals", but YOU, the viewer. i love this for 2 reasons. #1 calvin is flicking you off regardless of your political affiliation and/or how you feel about babies. in fact, now that i think of it, when the owner of the truck looks at it, calvin is flicking HIM off (and i guess to be politically correct, i should say him/her, but i think we're way past that point now). and #2 what a great way to take the "passive" right out of the passive-aggressive nature of that kind of political sign. because for the most part, whether or not i generally agree with whatever the message may be, the tone of any extreme political sign makes me feel like the writer is saying "if you're not offended yet, i'm totally prepared to say something about your mom". so! let's cut out the ambiguity and just flick off everyone who reads the sign. brilliant. (shaking head). sigh... for shame, calvin. what would hobbes think?

if you have self-esteem issues, don't get on the prez's bad side...

for your enjoyment, a hilarious excerpt from a Time magazine interview with Barack Obama:

Do you ever get angry, and if you do, how would we know it?
If you want to tail me and [spokesman Robert] Gibbs for a few days, I could tell you, we've had it out a couple times. You know, my staff knows when I get angry. I'm not a shouter. I find that what was always effective with me as a kid, and Michelle and I find it effective with our kids, is just making people feel really guilty. Like "Boy, I am disappointed in you. I expected so much more." And I think people generally want to do the right thing, and if you're clear to them about what that right thing is, and if they see you doing the right thing, then that gives you some leverage. Hollering at people isn't usually that effective. Now, there are exceptions. There are times where guilt doesn't work, and then you have to use fear.

calvin must drink a lot of water...

In my humble opinion, there's no better place to express your views to the world than the back of your car. You know those rear window decals of Calvin peeing on a Ford or Chevy symbol? I'm not really sure I've ever fully understood the appeal of those things. Although, it's surprising that in the Detroit area, you don't see more Calvins peeing on Toyota and Honda symbols. (Which brings me to my idea of buying a Toyota Tundra, putting an 'Out of a job yet? Keep buying foreign!' bumper sticker on it, and parking it at the Ford River Rouge Plant in the 'Ford Family of Cars Parking Lot' just to see how long it lasts... but that's a different story). Today while we were driving, Anna spotted someone that had a rear window decal of Calvin peeing on Osama bin Laden. Why can't we have Calvin just pee on things that dudes normally pee on? Like a tree or a campfire? Maybe it's just me, but I think there should be a traffic ordinance that regulates what you are allowed to depict Calvin peeing on. And it should be inversely proportional to the seriousness of the issue. For example, if you want to express your displeasure with someone who is responsible for a terrorist attack, maybe you should choose another medium. This is a slippery slope here, folks. I mean, if we don't come together and do something about it, it won't be long before we see a car with this in their back window:


The insanity must stop. A movement of change must be started. You can do your part. Help me put a stop to Calvin peeing on things, by printing this out and putting it in the back window of your car:

Mitch Albom: potty mouth

i thought this was funny. i was reading a Mitch Albom article about the Pistons the other day, and he was describing Antonio McDyess (who played a playoff game with a broken nose) as "stuffed-up, puffed-up, and fed-up". the cadence of that phrase leads me to expect the last item to somewhat rhyme with the previous two. so when i read it the first time, in my mind it was "stuffed-up, puffed-up, and effed-up". as in f'ed-up. as in f***ed-up. it's funnier when you picture Mitch Albom writing this, he who sounds like he's trying to write to an audience that spans from baby boomers to 2nd graders. i wish Mitch Albom had been one of my elemetary school teachers. now THAT would be f'ed-up.

state of the Bono address

This is absolutely one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite writers, Bill Simmons. It's from an article he wrote right after going to a U2 concert and it completely sums up my feelings about Bono.

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Bono is completely out of control. He's a rambling lunatic, not that he wasn't before, but now he's just plain nuts. Told a fantastic story about the Pope that was absolutely incoherent, followed by Bono pulling out some rosary beads that the Pope gave him and dramatically hanging them on the microphone. Had a speech about Africa where people were glancing at each other like "Do you understand this?" He's the best.
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I couldn't have put it any better myself. Anyway, that's the best part. For reasons beyond my understanding, they took this article down off of ESPN, so here it is, in its entirety:

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I saw U2 last night at the Staples Center and sent an e-mail to my friends about it before realizing I should have just posted it right here. Here's what I sent:

1. Bono is completely out of control. He's a rambling lunatic, not that he wasn't before, but now he's just plain nuts. Told a fantastic story about the Pope that was absolutely incoherent, followed by Bono pulling out some rosary beads that the Pope gave him and dramatically hanging them on the microphone. Had a speech about Africa where people were glancing at each other like "Do you understand this?" He's the best.

2. The stage was really cool – speakers were over their heads, and there was a circular stage that went all the way around so Bono could prance around and do Bono things. Best part of the show: He pulled some hot chick on stage during "Mysterious Ways" – like Springsteen with Courtney Cox – only her friend (had to be a stripper) decided after a minute that she would jump up as well with her 44DD's, delighting the audience and terrifying Bono, who grabbed the other guy and ran away from her. The stripper followed them and they did a complete circle around the stage, followed by security going after the girl before Bono changed his mind and decided she could stay. Then she crawled on the ground and shook her butt at him during the end of the song, which actually worked. Bono ended it by saying, "Only in Los AN-ge-les!" He refuses to call it "L.A" by the way.

3. Bono dedicated "Running to Stand Still" – a song about heroin users, if I remember correctly – to the U.S. troops overseas. He also dedicated "One" – a song about a relationship falling apart, if I remember correctly – to the plight of Africans, even changing some of the lyrics. He's turning into the new Elton John. I kept waiting for him to change the lyrics of "Party Girl" to honor Princess Di.

4. Some random older stuff they played: "Electric Co," "New Year's Day," "New Song," even "The Ocean" – a short song from "Boy" that most of the crowd didn't recognize. (I was DELIGHTED by this. I'm convinced they played "The Ocean" to see how many real fans were in the audience – it was like they were saying, "All right, head count!") I thought "New Year's Day" was the best song of the night – replete with The Edge playing the piano and guitar. It was really good. "Where the Streets Have No Name" was also top-notch. The crowd was 4X-5X more excited for anything from the '80s – every time they started a newer song, everyone was trying to hide their disappointment, except for "Vertigo" and "Beautiful Day," which had all the pseudos in the crowd going crazy. They also did a really good job with "Zoo Station" and "The Fly," which were always underrated songs I think. They didn't play anything from "Unforgettable Fire" other than "Pride," which was downright indefensible since it's been 20 years.

(Note: Shouldn't they play "Unforgettable Fire" – the song, not the album – in every concert? Shouldn't this be mandatory? I always thought that was their greatest song other than "One Tree Hill," which they never play in concert, either. Go figure.)

5. Bono didn't call The Edge "The Edge" nearly enough for my liking. I also didn't like their choice to open the show – "City of Blinding Lights" – which was just a lame pick and didn't get the crowd properly fired up. They should have started with "Vertigo."

(Remind me to go as The Edge next Halloween. Easy costume – dark jeans, a black T-shirt, a bandanna and a guitar.)

6. They played "Pride" and Bono went into his "Dr. King" routine – he really has run out of things to say about MLK at this point and doesn't seem that interested in the first place. He needs to mix it up with this song and re-dedicate it to Abe Lincoln or something, so he can discuss the ramifications of slavery back in the 1860s. Or maybe Nelson Mandela.

7. LA was a goofy place to see a U2 show – decked-out chicks, guys on their cellphones, different type of energy. Bono must hate coming here.

All in all, it was a solid time, although I felt old for most of it. One of these times, I want to see them have a concert where they strip away all the BS and just belt out some of their best songs – "Running to Stand Still" was excellent and had a different vibe than most of the other songs they played, I wish they had gone in that direction. They desperately need to do an "Unplugged"-type concert before Bono loses his voice for good.

wallflowers... or something like that

I've been waiting for a little while to post this, and I think it's been long enough. In the parking garage beneath the building in Farmington Hills that used to house Continental AG, where I worked on contract for a few months, I came across something so unique, I didn't have words to describe it. The way that the cement was poured for the walls down there was such that it left a circular mark in the middle of each section of concrete. Furthermore, there was some moisture that had gathered on the walls, and created permanent marks in various patterns. What I didn't expect, was that while pulling into a parking spot on a normal day of work, that my headlights would illuminate something that would change my life forever. Or at least my day. By adding recurring giggling.

Warning, this is not for the faint of heart. Explicit content ahead.

So this is what I saw as I drove up.

Wait a second, let me get a closer look.

Yeah. I've never seen anything like it in my life. I'm pretty sure it was formed naturally too.

I feel like I've witnessed one of those miracles where someone sees an image of Jesus or the Virgin Mary and they call the Vatican, except I feel like I should be calling La Leche League or something instead.