music/photos

our songs, in recorded music form

note to self: whiteout lyrics

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1: collide
can everyone calm down?
can everyone just take a second to breathe?
i’m finally seeing how you could be
the final puzzle piece

i want to go against
everything i knew

i thought i had it down
i was over all the childish messing around
leaping buildings in single bounds
but i have found

i want to go against
everything i knew
but i don’t have the strength
to be that for you
maybe if i don’t move
i won’t have to decide
my choices and failures
won’t have to collide

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2: play dead
there could be no way out
it could take all i am just to get out
i wait the silence out
and play it in my head before i speak out loud

i can’t let on
play dead and don’t look up
please don’t speak up

there could be no way out
i’m sorting through the words i fight to let out
you turn me inside out
your fingers lock with mine to shake my insides out

there could be no way out
just three simple words we wait to find out
you turn me inside out
and try to force a slip

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3: a thousand miles
it’s way too late to think
and as her breathing slows
i am freezing cold
i keep things tongue in cheek
cause lonely hearts get scarred
and fear’s getting old

i could drive a thousand miles

i’d cross the oceans between us
to see you smile back at me
i reach out for safety
you shine like the sea
like a thousand miles

the sky is turning pink
sending purple rolls over hills of snow
and quietly i think
that in your arms i’m not so alone

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4: everything
fingers interlocked
i guess i never thought
that it would be you
but you gave me the time
to make up my mind
so i could see you

i don’t have any shining armor
but still now here we go

step out from the shore
and plans from before
ready for
the real thing
the current moves
me towards you
ready for you
to mean everything

needing something real
i didn’t really feel
that this could be true
looking back i can say
i had to wait
for it to be you

i don’t have anything to offer
but still now here we go

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5: behind the wheel
lights flashing in the dark
smoke rising towards the stars
as cops direct the cars
around the broken glass
because you were turning left across
the traffic when i lost
my focus and my thoughts
we were moving too fast

old fears come back speeding

i’m already bracing for the impact
from the thought of getting in again
close my eyes and turn my face away
this will end in an accident
and i’ll be behind the wheel

you thought we’d never be apart
how did this go so far?
i had to break your heart
now i can’t start over

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6: just a phase
can you hear the cries
behind my hollow eyes
can anyone else see
i'm only faking life
i long just to thirst
just to feel anything
this is just a phase

soak in subtle lies
that beg me to disguise
the pain and fear i hide
behind these hollow eyes
barely holding on
with hands that lack any strength
this is just a phase

need to make it through this
got myself into this
i don’t want to do this
anymore

this is just a phase

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7: the water’s edge
so the mountains will fade away
the day i learn to pray the way
that faith and hope command
and if my dreams would surrender
would i begin to love the way
you always hoped i would

the water's edge will wash this all away

my careless questions hold me
when sorrow, pain, and memories
won't be forgotten
and if my trust could turn to gold
though spirits poor, we're holding on
to riches never known

i love the way you love

between the iron and the wood
you’re stuck between pure holiness
and God forsaken
so you step into my skin
and i begin to feel
the sacrificial heart of love

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8: nothing can stop us now
this day is the first
of the rest of our lives
trust me i'm sure
we’ll make it this time

step into the blinding light
and we’ll prove we were born to fly

nothing can stop us now
until we come back down

there is nothing to hold us down
as we break through the clouds

nothing can stop us now
until we touch the ground

the light will hit us so
there are no shadows
promise me you'll hold tight
and we'll prove we were born to fly

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9: whiteout
do you ever
feel like things are never
going to change?
all you see
is different completely
but you’re still the same?

the road turns white
and the lines disappear
and i can’t see
ten feet from here

driving blind through the snow
might just spin out of control
and i try to stay on the road
might just spin out of control

i remember thinking i was getting out of here
for the rest of my life
i can't imagine i’ll be doing this forever
running out of time

knuckles turn white
as i grip the wheel to steer
and i can’t see
ten feet from here

so let it come down
in this whiteout
and i will learn to live like this now

i've been living my life
only trusting my eyes
maybe what i need
falls from the skies

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note to self: self-titled lyrics

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1:simple
as simple as i go
it all comes down to breathing
and then a step beyond
but for now we'll start with that
it doesn't even take my attention
so moving on

i begin to find my way home
deep in my soul
i can feel the life, yeah
anywhere i go

as simple as i go
all the things i can dream about
and can't live without
clear the paths that i could take
and give me the will to press on
and move along

i begin
to find my way home
deep in my soul
i can feel the life, yeah
it's just not enough
to wait here standing still

for all that God whispers in your ear
for all the things you're too afraid to hear
there's nothing that will ever be too far
to reach for
it's more
than you'd ever expect

as simple as i go
everything i can offer is always at hand
maybe what i have planned
or maybe not but either way
there's time today

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2:shoebox
i've been thinking about how you used to laugh at me
whenever i would try to be sweet
during late night movies, wrapped in blankets and watching you
fall asleep before the ending

why, tell me why
should we say goodbye, lady?
our love felt like home
it's a lot to lose and you're leaving shoes
in the corner of the room that i know
no one else can fill
if i love you still

i was hoping for one more dance in the dark with you
before you take down all our pictures
and fill an old shoebox with all our memories and hide them away
so you don't forget, but don't have to remember

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3:autumn
eyes closed, sunlit face
but shadows will replace the warmth
and everything in this place is alive
even if only for a moment in time

folded arms, the breath of fall
auburn, gold, and green standing tall all around
and framing in what is left of the blue
keep this perfect scene to look through

the breeze is gone, it stole all the leaves that
couldn't hold on to that moment in time
where the river flows, but now that it froze
i'm slipping away from yesterday

wrapped in the comfort of this dream
never lasts as long as it seems

these treasured days are stolen from me
only to be found in my memory

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4:illiterate
you know her every move
and everything she hasn't done
you were almost you
but so hard to be normal when

i don't know what that means
and i don't know how to read you
i could be reading into things too much
cause i always do

not sure i can keep doing this
cause every other move you make
and every other word you say
is pulling me in or pushing me away

convinced that you're worth waiting for
maybe i'm wasting my time
maybe i'm wasting yours
feels like i'm trying too hard

never gonna make a dent
cause i can't get through the surface
to see what's really inside
what you really think

i thought i knew
what you meant, what i meant to you
and i thought that i was reading you
i wait so long
to find that my chance is gone
and i thought that i was reading you

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5:still crying
there's nothing that i could say to erase this distance
i reach out to touch your face and you turn away
to collect the words you're about to say
but you start crying and i wish i knew why
and i will soon

it's nothing that you could place that creates your confidence
you assure me i'm not the one and despite our love
you see no reason to carry on
but you're still crying and i would do anything
to fix this

you know i still believe in you
everything that created our love was true
i'm almost sure you love me too
so tell me why you're still crying

you know i still believe in you
everything that created our love was true
and if you don't need me loving you
then tell me why you're still crying

don't take it back
take me back
don't shut me out
please tell me why you're still crying

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6:already over
not sure what i'm trying to prove
maybe that you made a mistake
and you're missing out now
all of this is already over
one of many things that i can't change

i'm feeling so unsure
think i've been here before

i'm backing off i'm holding back
cause there's nothing else that you'll let me do
so i'm trying to grasp where i am
i thought i was getting over you
but i guess i'm somewhere else
and i guess that i had felt
i was further along than in reality

i already know what you'll say
i know your feelings haven't changed
cause i can see it in your eyes
well, neither have mine

it serves as proof that goes to show
that i don't know what i'm doing

and it's harder than i thought that it would be

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7:should be storming
take a resentful look because today is perfect
and it couldn't be farther from the truth
with all the clouds in my head, it should be storming
but i can't help but keep thinking of you

so i wait outside to watch the clouds
wishing it would rain down on me
a hurricane to match the mood
but nothing forms nothing i can do

today the sun is almost too bright
i'm getting tired from squinting my eyes

it should be storming
but i can't feel anything
the skies are burning
everything's changing
escape the hurting
if the sky was as gray as i feel
but i'm alone here
and this pain is real

you're far away
and i'm afraid
i wish you'd stay
nothing more that i can say

so used to looking ahead to what i thought i'd see
but what i want's not how it's gonna be

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8:unspoken moment
sitting here you want me to feel something that i don't feel
so maybe if i turn my head
and avoid your eyes look off in the distance i won't have to face it
or face you or what's not being said

we broke what we had
and found nothing inside
i guess i always knew
it always felt too light
to be full of anything
but a breath
and your little girl dreams
and now we're crashing back to earth
and now we're crashing into the truth

back to reality back to sitting here without a word to say
knowing that i don't know why i came here
and maybe that's the moment that i knew that this was all in my head
this was all but over with my own words ringing in my ears

why do i have to tell you more than once?
why do i have to break your heart again?
why didn't i admit this long ago?
why can't i get myself to let go?

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9:last day
don't look away this is your life
close your eyes, disappear, you're still here
you can look any direction but you can't change
the eyes you see through
or the lies you cling to

think of each moment as your last
how much of your life would fade away
and what new life surfaces when you look past
everything we put in the way?
what if today's my last day?

i'm waiting to be
i'm waiting to see
what lies beneath
i'm wondering what's inside of me
what would i see
what would i be
if i gave myself a deadline?
cause i could be dead in no time

when i change my mind i change the world
i guess we can see whatever we want to
events in our lives make up our minds
and our minds distort what our eyes see
can a torn apart heart see clearly?

i'm waiting to be
i'm waiting to see
what lies beneath
i'm wondering what's inside of me
what would i see
what would i be
if i was set free?
if i could see death approaching
would that make my life more beautiful?

God, make me what i need to be

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10:injury prone
and it always breaks away
and i always feel this way
drifting away from me
all my hopes that anyone will see me
now i've got to sit here and wonder what's wrong with me

cause i was off in the clouds
with my hopes that high
thinking it would be different
somehow this time

but this always happens
nothing ever seems to change
so it looks like i was right
broken in the same places

i was always too much
and not enough
should i really be so surprised?
i wasn't ready for this to hurt again
uncovered misconception of what i've been

i just want to go to sleep
i just don't want to be me
and these hairline fractures go unseen

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11:seize me
there she is knocking on the door
must have dreampt about those eyes a thousand times before
god, i wish she was here for me
i'll admit it, i can't help but wonder if she sees me

what to say, if she should speak to me?
i come downstairs to get a drink, walk by intentionally
so she sees me
and say "listen here, you should come by more "
maybe sometime it could be me that you're here for
see me

cause you know you look like an angel
your eyes consume me but you can't tell
no not yet

i'm reading into you
i'm reading you
every midnight i read between the lines
every midnight my feelings will be disguised
but she sees me
come and seize me

and we end up walking among the trees and i freeze
and she's really here just to be with me, just me
she sees me
come and seize me